Ok so this might be a strange post to read but I’ve been thinking and I’m going to be a lot more open with the readers on this one, those of you who are regular readers of the blog will know, I wasn’t always sceptical!
This time around 12 years ago I was in over my head in a deep spiritual belief in the paranormal, every smudge on an image, every video, every story anything that played to my belief system in the paranormal was 100% real, impossible to fake and I would defend it with every part of me!Deep in my subconscious I knew how easily these things could not be real, I was a pretty intelligent person I had survived one hell of a lot of persecution for my belief from most the individuals I mentioned it to!
I suppose now looking back I always knew that somehow it didn’t add up!
But why would I continue to defend it?
I was renowned for being able to ‘convert’ individuals into believing in ghosts and the afterlife, I had every answer, every connection and I could throw these out with exact precision, I could tell ‘real life’ ghost stories that actually left grown men in tears unable to sleep, I had been reading into and “researching” the paranormal from a very young age I knew every twist and turn that made even the most outlandish explanation make sense!
I would have defended these beliefs at any cost, I suppose in a way it was MY thing, MY personal experiences and in a way MY ego standing in the way of logic for a long time, each experience has definitely happened to me or at least to me they had occurred exactly as I thought they had! ‘Based on my beliefs at the time’!
I can say this though, it was very difficult to let go of those beliefs as I was like letting go of a piece of my safety net, it was a slow process of realisation and allowing my research to take new directions and to be actually open minded for the first time ever and listen to all sides of the story, I had claimed many people to be closed minded for not sharing my beliefs when really in the end it was me who was being closed minded it was me who was ignoring information that showed my beliefs to be misguided. A lot of individuals will make the comment straight away across social media that I am sceptical because I have never experienced anything so I want to list a few things I have personally experienced:
I have been thrown/pushed by what I considered a demon
I have been scratched multiple times by a seemingly unseen entities
I believed I was an empath/medium for many years and could give some pretty accurate readings too
I have witnessed multiple full bodied apparitions inc shadow people, black cloud like people, white cloud like people, full detailed apparitions (one as recent as a few weeks ago)
I have summoned demons and experienced what I had believed to be demonic poltergeist activity
I have heard disembodied voices in a locked and secluded building
I have had a radio turn up and down on request
I have witnessed a friend be clamped to the floor during the night with an apparition walking over them
I have been pushed / touched multiple times during vigils
I have had my bed sheets completely removed and made up on the other bed in the room whilst asleep (leaving 2 sets of bedding one over the other)
I have spoken to individual spirits directly at a younger age
I have witnessed and stroked a ghost dog (turns out it’s not an omen)
I have had my TV turn on by itself and the door open to the bedroom seconds later
I have had doors open on request when trying to explain these things to people
I have witnessed posters, mirrors and clocks pulled down from walls
I have had multiple rude wake up calls from various entities including the famous hat man…………………..
One day I will answer the “how do you explain that then???” question that follows me around daily on all these but for now let stick to this.
This list could go on for a very long time, my life has been riddled with what can be considered paranormal activity and I suppose that’s why I take this research as seriously as I do, but without that research (and research in the right direction) all of these things will be labelled paranormal with no real objection, most would think and have said “how can you be a sceptic after all of that?” well quite easily a lot of these experiences can be explained in a normal scientific sense, a small investigation could show these experiences for what they really are or even just taking into account personal life experiences at the time.
The whole process was a case of slowly taking each individual experience I had been through and be honest with myself about what had happened and try to research and understand the non-paranormal basis for it, I can tell you it was an incredible experience the realisation of what my brain was capable of and the human body’s ability to communicate itself with the brain on top of that the shear level of insecurity that occurred from removing the foundations of my belief system one brick at a time, it was exciting as well as uncomfortably terrifying but then things slowly clicked, I had been relying on my belief system to hold me together, I used guardian angels as reasons why things would go right as well as demons and spiritual attachments when things went downhill! Everything had a reason or a plan!
No matter what I was never to blame for my own actions or anything that went on around me, it was always something else which for any person in the world, would be an extreme comfort!
Thank god!, praise Allah!, Jesus Christ!, the arch Angels, you must have had someone looking over you that day, somethings got it in for you, the devil makes work for idol hands! Etc etc etc
Whichever way these words/thoughts are used they seem to be in place to enable us to separate our actions from ourselves!
But this was just a basis for a belief system so why was mine leaning towards the paranormal?
Well I have always enjoyed ghost stories, for some reason the adrenaline rush and the fear that followed them was exciting and the rush was in its own way, addictive, whether that be achieved through watching scary movies, telling or being told scary stories even imagining scary things it became very normal from a very young age, even now my mum tells me to be quiet or shut up if I even mention the paranormal.
Imagine a child telling their parents about the man stood in the corner or the old woman looking through the window (this is pretty common place to be fair) but I was deadly serious and frightened by the situation, the issue was that fear was what made me comfortable at the time and this is actually pretty common among individuals especially in the paranormal field.
I feel this stuck with me throughout my life and made me look at experiences in a completely different light, I suppose my brain would make sense of information by starting at the paranormal end and working its way back.
The reform wasn’t spawned by a change in my belief system but a change in my life style, as I began to take more responsibility for my own actions my belief system began to crumble slightly, even the slightest difference can make a huge change to an individual.
I could no longer rely on the idea that when something went wrong it wasn’t my fault, I was in control of my life whether I liked it or not, I was always intrigued by peoples behaviours but never my own, which started my research path towards various forms of psychology which in turn pointed towards experimentation and then onto the sciences and the scientific method, this began to blow all of my pre conceived beliefs out of the water, not only did the sciences have answers for my experiences but also for my own behaviour which in turn gave me more answers for why these experiences happened and how they were thought possible although seemed so impossible.
The fear disappeared which enabled me to focus on actual explanation more than my instinct to look for a paranormal explanation.
It was eye opening, I was finally truly open minded and every experience finally made clear sense, it was exciting and even life became so much simpler because of it.
So here I am now A SCEPTIC!
As a standard I am now officially required to ruin everyone’s fun, to belittle everyone I come across in the paranormal, to standing on belief systems wherever go, to ensure I stick my nose up at anyone & everyone and of course the standard hunting down and eating of babies more for fun and not for nutrients!!!!!
All of the above being a completely misguided idea by the majority of the paranormal world of what being a sceptic is!
On top of that I realised the persecution I had received as a believer was nothing in comparison to what I get now, people in the paranormal seem to have a complete misunderstanding of what a sceptic is and everyone else has a complete misunderstanding of what a paranormal investigator is!
The difference being is regardless of all of it, I’m still deep in the paranormal world, I’m here to stay unfortunately for those out there who are out to manipulate individuals using fake psychic abilities and getting way too much silver crossing their palms, especially those who prey on the vulnerable and create a worsening situation for people suffering with mental illness or delusion.
I feel like there should be some kind of sarcastic superhero pose with that paragraph!
All of this tends to start the same way it did for me, it just spirals out of control and once we are adults, we have much more power over others, our personal decisions and beliefs affect those around us and in turn affects others decisions and even belief systems and we go round and round in circles, I could have easily started selling myself as a psychic and charging individuals for readings in order to console them in regards to their lost loved ones, I could have become a lead investigator for an events team and pocket money from events whilst spreading entertaining flawed evidence, I could have bathed in the “wow you approach ghosts and demons you are such a bad ass” light that I see some investigators / Demonologists enjoying, I could have even agreed to say what a production company told me say on TV and stage paranormal activity to gain fame and fortune and millions of followers!
I’m not saying these things are on purpose attempts by all individuals to manipulate others but it is their own misunderstanding of their beliefs and science that create the same results. It’s still manipulation if you don’t know you’re doing it.
So what’s so bad about stepping into the light?
Well let’s face it the above is probably the most open I have ever been to the readers of this little corner of the paranormal world, we are all vulnerable in our ways and strong in others it’s the human condition.
Unfortunately delusion is sometimes the only answer to survive life’s little traumas, and the paranormal can be very powering, whether it be the lack of personal responsibility, the social aspect that it brings to individuals, the cool factor of being able to say you hunt scary ghosts, even the ability to be different from average or hold the equivalent of superpowers, the comfort that we will see loved ones again or the ones that held us together through our lives who have passed away are always still there to ensure we are on the right path!
As the majority of us know the paranormal world is abundant in its characters and have varying reasons why they believe or even investigate, I can guarantee I will get comments from someone explaining that they do not fall into any of these brackets (and that’s exactly what I meant by being honest with myself about my experiences, it’s an eye opener).
Question your beliefs even if it feels terrifying if they hold up to questioning with solid answers then fine, if they fail but are able to succeed with a little jiggle of the facts its worth dropping them and trying to find solid answers.
Without that belief system you will be able to rely on yourself, stand on your own 2 feet and most importantly you can genuinely help others instead of hiding away and passing on bad advice.
We defend these belief systems because they support us and help us through bad times, our belief system is like our best friend or favourite family member, if someone says something bad about them you would naturally jump up and be defensive in order to protect them even if you know there was a huge chance they have done something wrong. Its natural but it’s also a massive flaw in our psyche.
We need belief systems but also need personal control of them!
So would it be so bad if you didn’t rely on a belief in the afterlife?
To sum it all up, no it wouldn’t if anything it would be more enlightening, it will be more empowering and by far it would allow everything in your life, others around you and research into the paranormal to move forward.
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If you have an interest in belief systems or this post has inspired you to read more into it may I recommend the following books: